5 Reasons Chaos Becomes a Friend
It has not been an easy transition to normalcy after the shock of the pandemic, the shock of inflation, and quite frankly the increasing pressure to do more, faster. In today’s world, we are expected to blend life with work. Dual incomes are not negotiable, and yet we must keep it all together at home. We host drinks, dinner parties, and playdates maintaining a portrait of perfection. The pressure is on. Can we keep up the charade?
The answer is, “no”. Eventually we get overwhelmed and burned out.
With these pressures knocking on our door, a burned out individual will keep the door shut and allow chaos to get comfortable. No one can see the mess inside. Our closets leak into the bedroom, assignments appear unfinished hours before the due date, and we lose touch of how to manage so much damn laundry. Why do we find ourselves suddenly comfortable in this chaos?
Here are 5 reasons chaos becomes a friend.
1. A Mental Health Decline
When there is a decline in mental health - stress, depression, anxiety, etc - it can cause both fatigue and a feeling of worthlessness. These feelings impact decision making skills, especially when confronted with tasks at home. The decision to create systems for organizing your life can be daunting and therefore sleep, food, or internet scrolling become a blinder to the surrounding chaos.
What to do: In this situation, a mental health session with a therapist is necessary. With proper coping skills (possibly including medication), new energy and self-confidence allows for successful life management skills. The Lifestyle AR partners with many mental health professionals to allow for a comprehensive treatment plan to chaos.
2. The Chaotic High
The organized, put-together, “same-ole-same-ole” life may appear successful, but where is the fun? Chaos provides a level of excitement, effectively increasing dopamine levels, allowing for the emotional high of chaos to be addicting. Individuals living with chaos can appear as a fun friend to have (Enneagram #7 anyone?) and may even thrive on the pressure they create themselves. However, this can often lead to poor decision-making and an unhealthy environment. Chaos can destroy marriages and friendships, leading to loneliness and depression.
What to do: Find safe and healthy ways to increase your dopamine. Reading a good book, scheduling coffee with a friend, exercise, or exciting rewards for tasks completed can all be healthy ways to up your dopamine levels and decrease the need for chaos.
3. Embracing Defeat
When life is chaotic (our messes at home seem too much to manage or we forget the most important events even though post-it notes are on every mirror) we feel powerless and out of control. Humans long to be grounded and in control. There are ongoing studies providing evidence that desire for control is a biological and innate need. To fill this need, we grab hold and embrace defeat allowing chaos to be our identity. “I am a chaotic person.” “Excuse our chaos, this is just who we are.” When controlling defeat and chaos as a self proclaimed characteristic, there is no need to pursue a solution. Defeat is the solution.
What to do: Outside empowerment is a great option when defeat seems to take hold. Using outside resources is needed to give that boost of energy to fight the feeling of defeat with empathy and a growth mindset. At The Lifestyle AR, we empower individuals with the tools and accountability to implement successful life systems with a “progress, not perfection” mentality.
4. The FOMO Effect
You have heard the term “FOMO”, the Fear Of Missing Out, or even YOLO, You Only Live Once. Spontaneity can be an amazing life experience in moderation. The individual who decides to do it all, attend it all, lead it all may not actually have enough time for all the action…unless they have the right systems and structures to lay out what needs to be done and when. The reality of spontaneity is this: unless you have a clear understanding of your schedule and how others are going to be affected, spontaneity will lead to a general lack of trust. Relationships begin to dissolve without trust.
What to do: Have a system set up for calendaring that is repeatable and easily read. With a well laid out schedule, it is easy to move around tasks in order to have an occasional spontaneous coffee or trip without letting down those around you or creating chaos in your environment. At The Lifestyle AR, we also encourage “planned impulsive time” to scratch the itch of wanting to be spontaneous. Contact us to learn more about our calendaring systems and educational resources that can help manage FOMO.
5. Generational Trends
We all have characteristics of our parents, or guardians we are not thrilled about. One generational trend may be living with the chaos instead of fighting it. For some, this is seen in a passed down diagnosis of ADHD, and for others it is a nurtured characteristic that was learned in early childhood. When a couple decides to live with each other, the generational trends of their parents are magnified by the opposite trend exemplified in the partner. Arguments of who is right are inevitable. Walking on eggshells over the chaos is not easy. In all scenarios, chaos is a learned state that now takes practice and education to defeat.
What to do: Breaking this generational trend happens in 3 steps: 1) Self-awareness (an understanding of the generational trend), 2) Mental health and core system solutions, and 3) accountability in progressing toward an organized lifestyle.
Every individual has a reason, or excuse, for their own chaos and why they choose to befriend it instead of fight it. The risks of befriending chaos includes coping with unhealthy habits such as overspending, poor eating, drinking, etc. The Lifestyle AR is built around an educational approach to fighting chaos with a “progress, not perfection” mindset. Chaos is bound to happen, but with a foundation of core systems it is easy to reset and straighten out the mess. The more you understand both the reason for your chaos and the risks for continuing in such a lifestyle, the more likely you are to adopt new systems and routines that defeat the overwhelming state.
